


System Notice

by Foodmoon



Series: Oddball fics [35]
Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Do not share for profit, Gen, Gen or Pre-Slash, Geralt is confused, Geralt trolls Jaskier, M/M, Monster corpses and heads, Monster loot drops, The multi-verse trolls Geralt, The witcher/RPG manga crossover no one asked for
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-24
Updated: 2020-03-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:21:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23296171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Foodmoon/pseuds/Foodmoon
Summary: Monster hunting takes a weird turn when Geralt starts hearing things.
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia & Jaskier | Dandelion, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Series: Oddball fics [35]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/938265
Comments: 24
Kudos: 151





	System Notice

**Author's Note:**

> Blame this fic on SectorDweller for not telling me I'm a little left of sane when I brought up a Witcherxdungeon-diving-RPG-manga AU idea. This lacks dungeons, but retains some of the RPG manga stuff.

Geralt has been a witcher long enough to know that the tinkling sound that follows the death of the bruxa is unnatural, and he eyes the corpse warily before picking up the head. Nothing happens for a moment, then the body dissolves into nothing, leaving… _a pair of earrings!?_...in its wake.

When his medallion doesn’t indicate further magic taking place, he stoops and picks up the earrings, planning to take them to a mage and ask questions.

A chime startles him, and is followed by a monotone voice in his head. –System notice: Congratulations, you have obtained Bloody Charm earrings. Give them to your beloved to guarantee that others will find them charming even in the bloodiest of situations.-

_!??!?_

He eyes the gem covered little hoops leerily, then tucks them away in a pouch. Best not to leave something like that around for some dumb schmuck to find and get cursed by, after all.

~

It happens again.

A roving echinops _(of the animal variety)_ wanders in too close to his campsite and he has to kill it. A tinkle follows success and this time he just stares at it without taking anything. There is no contract that requires proof, after all. After a long moment, the body shimmers and disappears, leaving a lone arrow in its place.

The chime sounds. –System notice: Congratulations, you have obtained Arrow of Shattering. Used on a live target, it will shatter into many pieces, working its way into internal organs and guaranteeing a long, painful death if the target is not killed upon impact. It is recommended to avoid using this arrow on allies, as the result is almost impossible to reverse and will take great effort to do so. Used upon a non-living target, the target and arrow will both shatter into pieces. The Arrow of Shattering is a one use only item.-

 _Right. Another dangerous item._ With a sigh, Geralt tucks it into a pack. Maybe he can trade it for something useful at some point.

~

It happens again and again and again.

Each type of monster turns into something different. Plant type echinops turn into Potion of Curse Dispelling, harpies turn into wicked looking throwing knives that deal more damage than they ought for their size, bruxa and other vampire types turn into random bits of jewelry, and sirens turn into lute strings. A slain striga turns into a particularly fine mirror set in a bone frame that shows any nearby enemies. _(Geralt mostly uses the Mirror of Approaching to shave with, since it’s a rare enemy that his senses don’t detect around the same time the mirror does, and having a mirror out all the time isn’t very efficient to begin with.)_

By the time he runs into a pushy bard, he’s tempted to let the man come along just to dump the bag of lute strings on him. In the end, when a punch doesn’t dissuade the idiot, he _does_ let him come along. The look on Jaskier’s face when Geralt tosses the pouch of lute strings in his face the first time he complains of a fraying lute string is _almost_ worth putting up with the constant chatter on its own merit.

Jaskier gets into enough trouble to be surreal, even to a jaded witcher like him. After a while, Geralt decides that the odd little curses on the jewelry weirdly acquired from monster corpses couldn’t possibly _worsen_ the bard’s luck by much. The next time he’s tempted to kill him to shut him up, he tosses the rather heavy by now pouch of jewelry in Jaskier’s face instead, enjoying the bard’s yelp of offense.

“You can have them.”

The bard blinks at him blankly, then digs into the bag with glee, oohing and aahing over various pieces. “Geralt, if you’ve had these all along, why haven’t you sold them for money?”

“Hmmn.”

Jaskier freezes, eyes widening. “Wait. Are these cursed or something?”

Geralt smiles. “Hmmn.”

The flailing that follows holds enough hilarity to be well worth the show. Finally the bard simmers down to a sulk, poking at various pieces and demanding to know what curses are on them. Geralt answers, because _why not?_ And is further entertained when Jaskier deems some of the jewelry worth the curses they bear. Notably the Bloody Charm earrings, of which there are several pairs and an Armlet of Calm, which supposedly brings peace and calm to those in the vicinity when the wearer speaks. He supposes that those _truly do_ suit the bard, given the amount of trouble he gets himself into.

~

Jaskier likes to count himself a broadminded person, but he is…well, stunned the first time he witnesses Geralt kill monsters. A nest of drowners. Geralt collects the heads, which _gross_ , but he understands it is necessary as proof if Geralt wants to get paid. Only then, Geralt stops and stares blankly at the corpses for some reason.

He’s about to prod Geralt verbally when the corpses suddenly dissolve like smoke and leave behind coils of rope, which Geralt calmly collects and places beside his collection of drowner heads. Suddenly, the reason that Geralt sometimes mysteriously has things like rope and shovels or on one occasion bags of grain to sell _(or use, because there’s always uses for rope or shovels and Roach certainly appreciates good grain)_ becomes clear.

“Wow. Is this a witcher magic? I’ve never heard of anything like this before. How convenient!” _Or maybe folks just don’t want to share that monster corpses have useful things come from them? Because he could totally understand that. Cornering the market and all that._

Geralt rolls his eyes. “No, it’s a _‘System notice’_ thing. Started happening a few years ago when I killed a bruxa. Dunno why. Less messy, I suppose, but generally a pain in the ass, since I can’t leave the cursed items laying around and it’s a waste to leave the useful items.”

Jaskier has no idea what _‘System notice’_ is, but trust Geralt to find the gloomy side of a situation. Then he blinks as a thought hits him. “Wait, _this_ is where you got the cursed jewelry?”

“Hmmn.” Geralt agrees, then actually elaborates a little. “Bruxae and their kind.”

 _Well, that’s not creepy at all. No wonder Geralt smirked at him when Jaskier accepted it. Nothing like wearing something that comes from humanoid monster corpses._ Jaskier ponders the moral dilemma for a moment, then shrugs. Obviously if some higher power is willing to pay items for corpses, then it must have some use for them and there’s no real reason Jaskier should feel guilty about _wearing_ payment as opposed to _eating_ a meal paid for by payment for a monster hunt. It’s certainly no worse than looting bandits. Like the idiots last week who were under the impression that a witcher would be an easy target!

He wonders if he can work _‘system notice’_ into a song.

~

The too familiar chime startles Geralt. –System notice: Congratulations, the Bard Jaskier, also known as Viscount Julian Alfred Pankrantz and Beloved of witcher Geralt, has accepted his fate and joined your party. Your party now has two members.-

_!?!!?_

Geralt’s amusement at Jaskier’s creeped out expression upon learning where his jewelry came from dies a quick death at the announcement. _He knew he should have ditched the bard immediately_. There’s only one sane reaction to this development:

“ _Fuck!_ ”

**Author's Note:**

> Still a week behind on comments, but I appreciate each and every one of them and I'll catch up on answering eventually!


End file.
